First of all, I must say my addiction to Facebook seems to have greatly deteriorated my appetite for blogging. Consider this my official invitation and sincere recommendation to join. I know I avoided it for, well, years, but I have now officially been converted and I have seen the light.
And now onto the deep thoughts of my day/week/life/month:
I find myself officially in a rut of boring-ness, complacency, lukewarm disinterestedness and all around greyness of heart. Now before you begin to exorcise me, I am in no large, visible and heinous sin, I am not acting in fervent disobedience in any large way - just the little, daily ways. Like "Cari, instead of watching TV, go spend 15 minutes (15 MINUTES!!) praying or reading your bible." But I don't want to. I'll just get distracted. What will I read. I can't focus. And just like that I am picking up the house or opening last week's mail.
My prayer life sucks. It is a to-do list of obligatory requests. Its the same lame prayer for salvation for family members with a monotone, hopeless voice of progress-less doubt. And whaddya know, my worship life also sucks. Funny how those two correlate.
Christi (my beloved, awesome, rocking-the-world sister) mentioned how she is excited to be living outside of her comfort zone because it forces her and Dan to rely on miraculous provision at every turn. Ryan and I don't have that. We are (mostly) comfortable, we tithe and give past the 10% mark and still are able to support those we love and live a nice little life paying off student loans and going here and there on little trips (and big ones), enjoying our sweet little newly-wed existence. What do I really rely on God for? In what situation do I desperately seek his hand of mercy?
Why am I not reading the bible right now? Why am I not praying NOW? Okay, I'll go do it. But I am not excited about it and I hate that! Please pray for me. I need a serious jumpstart, but I don't know how to get it.
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