Today has been mildly depressing - an appropriate continuation of yesterday. At 4:30, yesterday afternoon, I walked out the door. My boss gave me a hug, my girlfriend coworker was strong and we know she'll come to the hospital when we have the baby, so no goodbye there. I tried to be strong - and an adult - but broke down as I passed reception and ducked into the bathroom to cry. I sobbed a bit, dried my tears, pushed the elevator button, and just like that - it was all over. Last wretched commute, thank you Lord. But also the last day I'd just pop into my boss' office with a funny thought, share my daily bazaar song stuck in my head with Amy, and the last day I'd feel like a million bucks working on a job site, answering contractor questions, or providing brilliant solutions to silly design problems.
Everyone likes to remind me that its not like my career is OVER forever, but honestly, it feels like it is. I understand I am moving on to a "higher calling," but right now, it feels like I just got benched, big time. I am disappointed. I am sad, very sad.
I hope this is all just prego hormones and that life will be roses when the baby comes, but everyone knows the first month is the hardest. . . I just don't know . . .
And no, I don't want to talk about it, so please don't call to check in. I really REALLY don't want to talk about it. But I would love prayer. I would really REALLY love that.
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