I am feeling something very different right now. I am completely overwhelmed by God's love flowing through me, and I am not talking about Ryan.
In the last few weeks, days, etc., I have been stunned at the people God has placed randomly in my life that I have actually had the capacity to love. Examples:
1. The girls in my Interior Design classes - very competitive, and they're all very pretty, therefore, I hate them. Just kidding, but there is always a tension about who is going to get the best job and who is better and who looks this way and gross. But for the last couple weeks, I have had nothing but excitement at each of their individual opportunities and this love is not, I repeat, NOT coming from my heart - it is coming from Christ in me. And it is inexpressibly beautiful.
2. I saw an old "friend"/rival/acquaintance/object of jealousy this weekend. It was an awkward social situation so we chatted for a while. I was amazed at the genuine love and compassion I had in my heart for her. It was completely not of me. I was able to listen to her successes and hear where she is going, as well as truly care about the well-being of her soul, and this all shocks me. Where is this coming from?
3. Sharon saw an old boyfriend of mine at Starbucks tonight. He has gone back and forth in drug rehab for the last 4 years and it is such a sad situation. I decided to give him a call to see how he was doing. I could tell he was shocked to hear from me, but I just felt like I needed to encourage him to be honest and real. We talked for about 5 minutes and I just affirmed my genuine care for his recovery and let him know I would be praying for him.
And the funny thing about this all, is that none of it is fake! None of it is show! I am not required to like any of these people - many would sympathize with past bitterness. But it is all gone.
And the only thing left is the wonderful memories and the oh-so-cliche love of Christ. How fabulous!
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