4:30am

3am, I woke up Ryan for "his shift" which entails:

warm up the bottle while I snuggle fussy baby
come get baby (this is where I get to go back to sleep)
change diaper
re-swaddle
give her a bottle
console her back to sleep

Then the next feeding (and the rest for the day actually) is mine and starts about 6am. So there is potential for some serious sleep for me. Not tonight (obviously).

3:30 and she is wide awake. Ryan passes her off to me. We snuggle while I browse the internet on my phone, update my calendar, realize my beloved Autumn is coming to visit today - glad I remembered. I futz around, waiting for her to sleep. Alas, her pretty little eyes were/are wide awake. So we try the pacifier. No dice. My tummy grumbles. Oatmeal it is. Get dressed. Re-swaddle the Houdini Child. Out to the kitchen. Make the oatmeal, put Angel-Pie in the swing. Unload dishwasher. Eat oatmeal. Load dirty dishes into dishwasher. Contemplate that the noises could wake sleeping husband. Good, I think, perhaps he deserves it since he gave up so quickly tonight. Alas, no, he's sick. He needs sleep for recovery. Feel remorse for wanting to wake up husband. Check for sleeping child - none. Check for very awake child - yes, we've got a winner!

See computer sitting on table. Consider writing thoughts. But what kind of thoughts can an insanely exhausted new mother have at a time like this - not many. Mostly just sleep. And oatmeal. And how much I love the swing my boss passed down to us. I just hope it works.

---

This whole thing with husband helping is a very multi-faceted one. On one hand (which, ultimately, is the winning hand), I am desperately grateful for his help in the middle of the night. I NEED sleep. I go insane without sleep - any human would. However, I am also conflicted because I know that HE needs sleep. He has to get up at a certain time to get to the job he uses to provide for our family. Isn't it MY job to take care of Small One? But then the funny irony comes in. Ryan wants to help so I can get sleep because he knows I am insane without it, so he ends up staying up far too late trying to take care of me, while I am stressing about taking care of him by letting him sleep.

(Oh, Good Heavens - can it be? I see closed eyelids on our baby!!)

Anywho, I need to stop stressing about how much sleep he is or isn't getting, and just be thankful for his help. He is a big boy and knows when to go to bed - sometimes :o)

And on that note, I am going to finish my oatmeal, and take my SLEEPING BABY!!! back to bed. And I'm glad too - because the next chore I was going to do was sweeping the floors!