Nightlife

Last night, I woke up at 3am with chaos in my soul. You know that feeling where you go to bed wearing pants, a sweatshirt and socks, and wake up feeling like everything is twisted and the blankets are tying you to the bed and you are stuck in a smothering sea of cotton? Well I had that last night, but I woke up and everything was perfect, just as I went to bed. No cover convulsions or sweatshirt smotherings. Just me.

So like most nights when I wake up in utter confusion, I decided to pray. Long story short, I felt God ask me if I was prepared and willing to be single for the rest of my life. My chest started to press into my spine with such great agonizing pain. I could hardly breathe for what He was asking me. I weighed my options and realized I must give everything up, including Ryan. I said yes. I called and woke up Ryan and asked him to pray with me. He was quite confused, and asleep, but he did anyways.

As soon as we got off the phone, I had a perfect peace. I feel as though God was testing me to see if I would give it to him. And yes, I would. After realizing that, I felt Him actually call me to love Ryan, almost like it was my lot in life. He wanted me to give him and the relationship up, and when I did, he gave it back. I am called to love a man, and his name is Ryan Michael Mullaney. How oddly beautiful.