True Confessions of a Totally Desperate Mom

So I'm reading this hilarious book called, "Totally Desperate Mom," filled with stories from the unpredictable insanity of motherhood. Well, I had my own desperate moment and a friend thought I should share, so please proceed only if you love me and promise not to make fun of me . . .

On our way out towards Sequim, we did a couple errands. I needed to go pee (a LITTLE), so didn't think much of it. We were even at a gas station where I parked right next to the bathrooms and made the conscious choice to wait for the ferry (or at least the lot where you're about to get on), much to my unexpectedly upcoming demise.

So we finish our errands and head down into Edmonds. We pass the little digital readout sign that tells you about the ferry wait. Two. Hours. So, we're waiting in line and the desperation begins to overwhelm me. I'm now in pain . . . real pain. Unfortunately, we are a flippin mile from the main line where there are glorious public restrooms (ok, not glorious, but anything with a toilet and a door would do at this point).

Ryan is driving the U-Haul up ahead of me, so its not like he can jump in the driver seat and I can run ahead (as if I could even move at this point). So, I'm trying to encourage myself, I can do it . . . I can wait it out. Not problem. Then I spot the bushes along side the road. I wonder if I can just run over, pop a squat and be done. Two big problems: The line was inching up every couple of minutes, and there were cars with passengers EVERYWHERE.

More looks of desperation. What to do, what to do . . . When I look to my right and spot a stack of diapers. Yes, diapers. I wonder about the possibility. Hmm. I call Ryan. He thinks I am crazy. I agree. I call my sister to see if a baby diaper can hold woman pee. She says no problem. So without trying to draw attention from the cars pacing me down the line, I quickly unzip, position the diaper, and question my sanity.

I go back and forth on whether this is crazy. Ryan is concerned I'll leak all over the seat. The seat?! What about MY PANTS?!!!! I finally come to the conclusion that I will die if I don't, so I put the car in park and let go.

BUT NOTHING HAPPENS!!!! I can't do it. For some reason, I can't pee my pants! I guess potty training really stuck with me all those years ago. I try and try, but nothing. Ryan comes over to "coach" me. I could've killed him. All the while I'm having to move the car up a few feet every few minutes, completely breaking the concentration. 5 minutes go by. Nothing. 10. 15. 20.

FINALLY! I was able to let loose and ease the pressure just enough to get me to the ferry terminal and those glorious bathrooms. I packed up my diaper and chucked it casually in the garbage as if I had just changed my baby's diaper. Ha! If only they knew.

In conclusion, I would like to say how wildly impressed I am with the absorbency of baby diapers, and think I'll carry one in my glove box at all times from now on . . . just in case :o)