Dreams are funny things. I had my second dream in the Carrie series. I say Carrie because in these dreams, I royally kick the junk out of a guy who broke my heart. Lucky him. . .

Dream One: about a month ago:
School's out, this guy is about to leave, and I run into him at a get-together and so I figure, "hey, what the heck. I'll try to be vulnerable just once more." So I ask him if we can talk a bit. He says sure and hands me his keys and cell phone while he goes to make copies of three pages in his hands. Also, he is holding two small, reader's digest-sized books that he takes with him. He comes back a minute later and says with bit of pride, "Wow, you really must have fallen for me hard, didn't you?" I am just in wonder. He continues, "See, girls to me are just like parked cars. I like to rev their engines, but I never take them anywhere." He hands me the papers he made copies of. They are forms for a girl to fill out when they have been played by an SPU guy. Then I looked over at his two little books: both manuals on how to use a girl and then lose her. In my dream I become enraged. I tore the books in half and ripped the papers. Just then he gets angry and comes after me. The last thing I remember is praying that God will help me run faster to get away from him.

Dream Two: last night:
I have been talking it over with my girlfriends and it is time to confront the guy. I know he will be boarding a cruise ship and so I wait on the deck for him to come around the corner. I see on the security screen he is with a girl, and he looks fabulous. They come around the corner and in true heart-breaking fashion, he says his typical, "What'ssup Cari?" So I begin to share how I have been hurt, but nothing comes out. And I walk away utterly defeated. Then it flashes to like 20 years later. I just happen to be at a church (which just so happened to be a church my choir sang at in Berean, anywho.) where he was getting awarded with some medal. The ceremony had started and so I dodged to the bathroom really quickly, where I saw him and his wife talking in private. And she not knowing me, I went off on her husband. I soaked him with water right before his big moment. He came into the ceremony with his nice shirt tied around his wet pants andn was humiliated.

Why am I having these dreams? Why doesn't this go away? There are so many things about this guy I don't like, but so much else just won't let go.

Sometimes it would be great to be able to give up hope, you know?